Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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