i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
