She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
