This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
