im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
