i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
