and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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