Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
