Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
