You just made me feel so damn special
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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