It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
