it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
