we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
