I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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