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omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think my vagina is haunted
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
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