I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?