Texts From Last Night

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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us

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  (414): We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us http://tfl.nu/5d2p
  Replies (0) Good night (827) Bad night (1168)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius

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  (203): You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius http://tfl.nu/w3wu
  Replies (32) Good night (12741) Bad night (852)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke

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  (469): She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke http://tfl.nu/g6cx
  Replies (15) Good night (915) Bad night (4560)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.

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  (207): I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow. http://tfl.nu/e26q
  Replies (11) Good night (4216) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

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  (202): But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery." http://tfl.nu/8w5e
  Replies (11) Good night (1486) Bad night (4262)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it

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  (573): Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it http://tfl.nu/okq1
  Replies (5) Good night (989) Bad night (2993)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.

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  (304): You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib. http://tfl.nu/xjlf
  Replies (2) Good night (2501) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself

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  (303): It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself http://tfl.nu/u3l5
  Replies (6) Good night (665) Bad night (1872)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch

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  (580): it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch http://tfl.nu/2vd8
  Replies (15) Good night (2889) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.

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  (518): I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk. http://tfl.nu/wd6k
  Replies (3) Good night (1650) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it

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  (424): This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it http://tfl.nu/0y9z
  Replies (2) Good night (1188) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.

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  (310): I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there. http://tfl.nu/gafs
  Replies (3) Good night (919) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.

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  (601): Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you. http://tfl.nu/w325
  Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.

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  (785): Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons. http://tfl.nu/zvq7
  Replies (1) Good night (676) Bad night (189)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.

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  (805): YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE. http://tfl.nu/6feq
  Replies (5) Good night (590) Bad night (221)

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