Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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