Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.