i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
