Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
