I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
