I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
