I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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