Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
