Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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