i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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