Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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