how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
