He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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