She is in my trunk
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
