It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
