Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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