Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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