You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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