she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
