his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
