I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Please don't give away my fajitas
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