Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
