I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
