My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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