Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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