things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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