I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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