walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
