5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
