so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want nice things and good sex
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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