i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
