How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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