real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
