Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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