what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
