Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
