how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
