You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
