i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
