Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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