Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
