i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
