i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
