he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
