this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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