I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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