Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
