Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
