im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Bring me that man meat
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
