allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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