I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
