How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
