and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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