I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
