We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
how does that bad decision feel?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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