we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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