If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
