he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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