my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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