i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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